The seriously impressive Megan Dalla-Carmina, a strategist, coach, writer, speaker and researcher, penned a timeless article titled “The truth about becoming more confident”. In her words, building confidence takes babysteps.
Like purpose, confidence does not strike us all at once and from that moment on we conquer the world. No, confidence and for that matter purpose, is something that we continue to seek by taking small steps, our whole lives.
In fact, more recently lack of confidence, not competence is what is attributed to women holding themselves back in the corporate world the idea behind The Confidence Code by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman.
So as a parent how can you support your child’s journey, so that they continue to build their confidence?
Partner with them to identify triggers – by asking them what are the triggers that suck the confidence from them? For some it might be speaking in front of the class, being unprepared for a test, or rushing an assignment, playing in team sports. It can be anything and it isn’t always the most obvious.
Next step ask them to identify the stories that they are telling themselves. In our last blog post we cited the work of Melissa Ambrosini “Mastering your Mean Girl” whose work, like Megan Dalla Carmina, recognizes that at times, the voice inside our heads runs riot, stripping away all our confidence. It’s a constant battle to silence it, but by learning to tune in and observe it, and let it pass without judgment or tackle it head on with the question “Is that true?” will not only start to quieten it, it will become an ally.
“The questions we ask shape our lives and can alter our reality.”
– Megan Dalla Carmina
Get to know the things that boost your children’s confidence by asking them to identify what makes them feel cool like a cucumber. It might be laying out there uniform and sports gear, musical items for the next day so that they wake up feeling in control. Another might be planning out when their assignments are due, or if public speaking times where they have spoken up and felt good doing so. Try to get them into a routine, as it is not what we do occasionally but what we do everyday, which will have the biggest impact on changing our lives.
Finally, a simple “you’ve got this” never goes astray!
Share your thoughts, and suggestions with us on what boosts you or your children’s confidence.